Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
