you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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