I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
