Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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