weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
