Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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