ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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