Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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