im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
