I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
