Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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