I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
