I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
