I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you had me at cake vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
