I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
