I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
