I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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