Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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