Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
