Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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