is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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