I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
