My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
