She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
