apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
