my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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