Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
