That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
