Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
