Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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