I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
