the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
