So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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