I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
