well I can't set my house on fire every night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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