It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
