seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
