RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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