I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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