Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
