apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
