Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
