I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
