I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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