Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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