Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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