my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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