Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
