she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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