HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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