The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
