Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
