i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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