What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
