that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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